Many men have tried to romance Debra Smashtikovich. They have all failed. Give her flowers and she will crush them to pulp. Buy her chocolates and she will beat them back into coco beans. Write her poetry and she will eat the paper it is written on and defecate it as a fully-formed Black Oak.
At their friend Max's party, George and Ari were finally able to relax and get away from the stress of their daily lives. Both agreed that spending day after day forging alliances, avoiding corrupted blood, and slaying dragons as part of Dayton, Ohio's elite group of IT site technicians can take its toll.
Almost everyday, Thaddeus Llewellyn corners a coworker in the breakroom to tell them he's "old school." He then brags about how he chooses to bicycle to work, making his commute "as green as the insides of J.P. Morgan's pockets."
USC student Devin Daugherty does not participate in athletics, yet he recently visited a Big 5 sporting goods store to purchase eye black. He then went to an Ed Hardy boutique on Melrose Avenue and bought a $150 long sleeve t-shirt. Defying all logic, this was done voluntarily, while sober.
There are two things Chantelle Armsax looks forward to every summer: 1. Watching her beloved Larry "Chipper" Jones come to the plate for the Atlanta Braves, and 2. Wearing snugly-fitting tube tops. Those seated behind her know this all too well by the second or third inning -- right around the time they realize they've unknowingly purchased obstructed view seats.
Dear Readers,
Kat Kilpatrick (pictured here in cowboy hat) was notorious for being caddy and spreading gossip about her roommates. They took revenge by slipping her a roofie and loaning her out for photo ops at Fall Fest. Over the next semester, she threatened to press charges every time she couldn't find one of her sweaters.
Playing the sousaphone for the North Partookaville high school marching band was a high point for Mark Bartalanski. After graduating, however, things started to go downhill. Now, Bartalanski regularly caves to peer pressure and drinks raspberry Puckers in his Mountain Dew. More troubling -- he continues to wear his uniform to social outings.
Brian Winley's recurrent dreams throughout the 2008 holiday season resulted in him experiencing the most erotic lead-up to Christ's birthday since the infamous December of his seventh grade year. He suspects this may be indirectly linked to his November 2008 purchase of a new home computer.
They call themselves The Paprika, but their collection of spices is vast in its assortment. Don't let the popped collar, aviator shades, and overly gelled hair fool you. These young men are very territorial about their spice counter.
Rock and roll dreams never die. They just grow more bitter and desperate as they are relegated to the recesses of the home.Hello,
Josh Gordon, or "Gordo" as his fraternity brothers called him, had come to a crossroads. Should he stay true to his current girlfriend -- a nice cocktail waitress, whose personal highpoint was an appearance in "Girls Gone Wild: Freshman Orientation"? Or should he experiment with his new friend, Cassandra, a Taco Bell drive-thru operator and part-time dominatrix?
Rumors of rampant lesbianism and mimery within the North Platte, Nebraska drama club have scandalized the small Midwestern town. Despite his cheerful demeanor, song-and-dance specialist Jerry Morgan (center, holding breast) saw sales at his feed store drop 30 percent after this photo was leaked on the Chamber of Commerce message board.
Appearing filthy is not the only way to pass for homeless. When Lee Packs cruises down the sidewalk in his Ugg boots and Starter jacket he causes passersby to look away, anticipating a panhandling request.
Some called Claudio "vain" and "deeply creepy." Others knew him to be a kind man, who showed his charity to the village children by tossing them a few pasetas to slather him with oils.
When the camera landed on Peppermint, Peppermint stepped to the forefront. It was finally her moment to shine.
Bad Touch Chet's favorite turtleneck is beige. In the past, he struggled to coordinate it with other selections from his wardrobe, including his trusty codpiece. That hasn't been an issue since he purchased a snazzy University of Texas cap.