Consider this couple armed and dangerous. Do not try to apprehend them, and do not look directly into the floral print of either fugitive's shirt. It has been known to set them off.
Ever since his parents forced him to get a job at the Lowe's, Bobby Gruph has been adamant in his opinion that everyone should be gainfully employed. Gruph has even begun harassing local transients.
A longtime technical adviser on Hollywood Westerns, Pappy Rose Eastwood now works at the Sudsy Puff Car Wash on La Cienega Boulevard. A brawl with Lou Diamond Phillips on the set of "Young Guns 2" has left the aging cowboy embittered.
Some Center City, Philadephia residents scramble when it starts raining due to widespread rumors that precipitation will dissolve private parts. Kareem Junkhandle is one young man gripped by this paranoia.
Nearly every Purim, violinist Shelomi Edelmann drinks a few quarts of Manishevitz Blackberry and proceeds to play the majority of the Charlie Daniels' catalogue. His Yiddish rendition of "Boogie Woogie Fiddle Country Blues" is usually where the performance derails.
Dear Readers,
Ashley Taylor received a free electric blue wig with her purchase of breast implants. Her friends opted for feathered hats. Taylor and pals believe their new "fun" look will help attract men, presumably anime fetishists.
Muriel Cranston (back row, wearing blue scarf) is the leader of a small Presbyterian sect that espouses polygamy despite federal laws banning the practice. The men pictured are all Cranston's husbands.
Young Belmont is considered the black sheep of the celebrated Schimmerschmidt clan of Greenwich, Connecticut. His overzealous reaction to the availability of French onion dip frequently triggers his rage.
Friends of Clay Michaels often feel obligated to act tough and flash a "Mad Dog" facial expression when going out to the bars with him. They claim it wouldn't be necessary if Michaels would stop making "the gay face."
Hidden in the back of Jason Webster's medicine cabinet is a protractor and eyebrow pencil. He secretly uses the implements to create a pre-shave outline for his goatee.Dear Readers,
A year ago, Marty Schlienhower discovered that junior college students attend half-price wing night at a Shorewood, Illinois sports bar called the Bullpen. Now, he's a regular. Many of the young women from the college have recently started trading stories about how "that creepy guy at the Bullpen" has awkwardly propositioned them with chicken wing-related sexual innuendo.
Denise McCormick's daughter spent the first day of the pair's vacation in Paris walking 20 meters in front of her mother. At one point, the younger McCormick loudly voiced her objections to being able to see the impression of her mother's labia majora.
Thomas Jones recently discovered he is one-eighth Acoma Indian. Taking the name "Strolling Chipmunk," he now chants easy listening favorites with rattle accompaniment in the parking lot of the Golden Eagle Casino in Horton, Kansas.
For the Halloween Ball, Kevin Mancans opted for the sexy caveman look. Most of his fellow partygoers failed to recognize the costume, and refrained from getting close enough to ask for clarification. Meanwhile, whenever a female happened to venture near Mancans, he would flash the sign for a maneuver commonly referred to as "The Shocker."
Lake Havasu, Arizona bartender Janelle Baylon has a way about her -- a charm that allows her male suitors to overlook the fact that she frequently wets the bed.